indifference

is possibly my weakness, but I'm not sure if you would call it that. I don't like picking favorites. To me, picking one means you're saying that one is better than all of the other ones, but  how can there even be favorites. For example, is you say that your favorite song is a pop song, then what about all those indie songs that you love? They are completely different from pop songs so how can they even compare? It is like comparing a shoe to a piece of fruit, they aren't even in the same category. That is the kind of indifference I am speaking of, but also, my lack of passion, I feel, goes along with this. It seems to me that people always find something to be passionate about, something they absolutely love. I feel like I have never found that, and anything I have ever come close to being passionate about I give up. The two things I have ever felt close to passionate about are music and being around kids. The drawback to music is that even though I absolutely love hearing, love playing, love collecting it, I can't play well enough to do anything with it, I am so deeply saddened by this. So the runner up in my life is kids, so I chose to do something with that.

I feel sort of lost.

I wish I had a sort of do over, where I was taught how to play instruments as a kid, and I stuck with it. Where I was in band in middle school and all throughout high school. I feel like if this is the path my life would have taken then I could have done something great with music. In this other life I could have become a professional musician like my music professor. But that is not how my life happened, so all that is left is to try to sit back and enjoy the one I was given.

Bleh.