My most life changing experiences

My most life changing experiences:

Becoming a follower of Jesus; he gives me messages of hope and love and joy. Without Him I would just be a dry soul who is longing for something more. Because if Him I am alive and well.

Camp; it's so completely stretching. You have to  work with people that you struggle to get along with, but you also the privilege of becoming close friends with many. It tries your patience and tests both your physical and emotional endurance. The campground becomes a place that you can call home for the rest of your life. You have long days and short weeks and summer is gone in the blink of an eye. You meet all kinds of people that teach you all kinds of things no matter if they are age 9 or age 60. Working at a camp is one of the hardest most rewarding things a person could do.

College; there are so many different kinds of people, but they're all the same. One of the hardest things that I have had to learn, was that in order to actually learn, and retain information to have to want it. If you don't want it then all efforts are futile. There are so many things that are out there that you don't yet know about, in this case ignorance is not bliss (was it really ever).

Getting my heart broken; the pain of it all almost makes me smile now, not because it was fun, and not because I exaggerated it, or because I'm positive that I won't ever have to go through it again, but because I made it through. I made it through a pain that I couldn't ever see ending. No one but Jesus and I carried me through that and I get to smile and be proud of that accomplishment.

Getting 14" cut off of my hair; it may sound vapid and shallow, but it was like a breath of fresh air. I felt weighed down by an expectation that I placed on myself to be somebody that I wasn't just because I had long hair and I sort of lost myself. It sounds ridiculous, but to me it isn't. "A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life" -Coco Chanel

Nannying; both in high school and this summer. In high school I nannied for three years for kids I adore. They were my inspiration for becoming a teacher. This summer nannying and babysitting gave me a lot of insight as to what some of the families of my future students will be dealing with.

I like to be open with things I've learned, because it is my hope you can read what I have written and take something useful away from it, get out there and experience life, there's no better way to learn.

♥

Shenanikids

So this summer has been crazy. I have been nannying/ babysitting for six different families with a total of thirteen different kids. It has been enlightening, if anything, although stressful as well. Since there are so many different families I get to see a lot of different parenting styles (or lack there of).

The greatest thing about nannying is getting to be a part of so many kids lives and being a positive influence on them.

The hardest part is disciplining them, a few of the families have very poor discipline standards set in their houses. In one of them whenever I do try to discipline I am constantly undermined by the mother so there is no consequence for inappropriate actions. Parents often forget that consistency is SUPER important.

The most frustrating thing is the kids not listening to me, or having to repeat myself which goes hand in hand with the discipline thing.

My favorite moment was arriving at the house that I was to babysit at that day and having the little girl squeal with delight as I walked in the door. One week at least one kid from each family cried when I had to leave, I call that a job well done.

Some weeks I feel so worn out, like I'm so ready to be done. Working fifty hours in a week will do that to you! Bit then I get to rest up and see some of my favorite kids (yes, parents aren't allowed to have favorites, but I feel like that rule shouldn't apply to me) and I am ready to go on to the next week.

Being a little more than half way done seems crazy to me! Although there are definitely tough moments there are also fantastic ones and I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of so many lives and vice versus!

Me: would you want to live forever?
Elaina: no, I barely want to live now!

Earlier in the year when I began to think about what I wanted to do this summer, I wasn't exactly sure what I should do. I prayed a lot about it and still it seemed unclear to me what God wanted me to do. Then, things started to fall in place so that I could stay in Spring Arbor over the summer. I ended up getting a part time nannying job, along with four or so other random fill in jobs.

I didn't even think about the possibility of learning a lot through working this summer which is a naive thought.  I have only been working for two weeks, but I have been learning so much, about kids, and teaching, parenting, and just life in general. Some of the struggles that the family is going through is showing me a lot. I can only hope to learn so much more than I already have this summer.

"It is a risk to love.

What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does."

-Peter McWilliams

Feels good to be home

Another wonderful night with my sister.

Why do I even bother.

The box of hidden treasures

I was talking to a friend earlier this week and they were speaking about someone who was saying they were a Christian but they had never read the Bible. She brought up an interesting idea; how can we truly be Christians if we haven't read the Bible or try to follow it especially the New Testament. Now, I can say that I have read a good chunk of the Bible, but I certainly have not read it all the way through, or even the New Testament all the way through . So I was thinking that I am going to try to do that, this summer, or at least try to pave quite a bit of the way through it. I am excited to start. Reading the Bible is such a learning experience, I have never come away from reading it and not taken away something valuable.

The beginning of the sunrise

So I have been running.

That's right, you read it right, I said running.
I have ran four days in a row, and I am so proud of myself. Seriously!
Four days may not seem like much to anyone, but it's huge to me.
I hope I can keep it up.

In other news, I have a house! Weird to call it "my house", but it is. Right now it is pretty dirty. Over the course of the past year there have been at least seven different guys that have been in and out of the house, causing it to be one of the dirtiest houses I have ever stepped foot in. But I am not worried, because in a week the last of the guys will be gone and my roommate and I will be able to clean up the house and make it look awesome.

I am staying in Spring Arbor this summer nannying various children. So far the kids have been great, and it has proven to be a pretty great job. Also, there are quite a few people that are living here this summer that I will be able to chill with. This week has been one of the longest weeks of my life! In a good way of course. I have been super busy and doing stuff constantly which has been good, there has been no time to be bored.

Hopefully it will stay like this.

My latest insecurities

I often wonder about how I am ranked in a persons mind; ranked in friendship.

There are people to me that are my friends, but not close friends, in their minds we are best friends.

So how do I rank to those closest to me? It's actually a scary thing to think about...

Why should it matter though? It shouldn't, but it does. Jealousy, the fear of being replaced, I guess.

I know what I do, but I do not know what what I do does

There are so many beautiful thoughts, or words, or ideas I've seen and heard and I just want to remember them all constantly and be able to draw it out of my mind and share it with someone at any given moment. Sometimes I just miss those words and ideas and want to see them.

It's weird I can't explain it any better.

Undone

I have done this one too many times
Over and over
The same words repeated

You say I don't love you

I say you don't love me
Not the way I love you
Not the way I do

My heart beats for you
I was made to be yours
And you, mine

You
Were supposed to be
The sun that lights the day
The flower among the sharp thorns

Now there is no sun
There are no flowers
Frigid cavalcade

You left me
Heart
Soul
Mind

You left me
Fragmentary

And you expected me to be okay
Without a word
No apology

When we are together
You are not there

You resolved to be by my side
With your body
But not mind

There is no intentionality

Our time has been squandered
And there is no remorse in your eyes
Arctic warfare

cracked not shattered

To love someone who doesn't love you back is the most heartbreaking thing of it all.

JB is the bomb

On Wednesday the kindergartners and I got in a tussle about Justin Bieber after one of them told me it was his birthday today. This is how it went:
Ava: Ewww Justin Bieber, we don't like him in my house
Me: why not?
Ava: I don't know we just don't!
Me: but you don't know him how can you not like him if you don't know him, that isn't very nice
Emma: I like Justin Bieber!
Me: *high fives her*

Happy Birthday JB.

almost

"We're almost the same person, but not completely."

That is what someone just said about her and her significant other.

Be separate don't be the same person this is weird.

I'm done.