My friend was over the other night and he was telling me about things he daydreams about, while we were talking about daydreaming I realized that I can't even remember the last time I daydreamed. I am really so focused on the tasks that I need to be doing that I don't time to dream? So I tried an experiement. For the next few days whenever I remembered I would try to daydream. What. I tried to daydream how pathetic is that, but worse, my mind was blank. What does that say about me? That I don't have dreams? That I lack creativity? I don't so, I think what it says more is that I need to step out of thinking about all the things that I need to get done, and just let myself relax and dream every now and then.
At this house where I babysit the man has a list of his dreams/goals hung up in his office. I may have been slightly nosy to read it, but it was interesting. I have never thought of writing down my goals and dreams so I did just that. It is interesting to me that as I was writing them I realized I had unspoken dreams that I didn't know I had even thought about before. I would highly suggest this practice to anyone, the fun part is, when you fulfill one you can put a check next to it, or even a little note that says, "Go me".
I guess that's it.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
-St. Augustine
Bubble living
Being in a bubble can have it's perks. The bubble usually happens in Christian communities which is what I am living in here at school.
I chose this school because of the bubble. Most people's excuse for not wanting to be here is that they didn't know what they were getting into when they signed up, but not I. I knew exactly what I was signing up for; safety, community, and apparent high standards/expectations. In the beginning it was what I needed, structure, and rules and people to tell me how to live my life and what is right and what is wrong. My freshman and sophomore years it was great to have that. It taught me some discipline, but let's be honest, I have been "disciplining" myself to do what the people who influence me thought was right. In high school I didn't swear and I didn't drink and I thought they were both signs of not being "on the right path", which in high school can be the truth. As I've gotten older though I've come to see that things are not always black and white. What I needed five years ago, even six months ago, is not what I need now.
This summer living on my own really grew me and matured me. I didn't even realize it until I got back to school and what reunited with everyone who was gone for the summer. I have outgrown friendships, I feel like while I matured this summer others stayed in the same place, or even slid backward. So some of those friendships that I depended on last year, I don't need or even necessarily want anymore.
Being in the bubble was good. But it's not what I need now. I am ready to leave it and be independent and I am become frustrated with not being as free as I could be. Over the past week or so I have gone through some stuff that really made me feel restrained. This school has a lot of good things and there are a lot of things that it provides to people that are just what they need, but I don't need it anymore and I'm ready to move on.
*This was written over two days, sorry if it doesn't make complete sense.
I chose this school because of the bubble. Most people's excuse for not wanting to be here is that they didn't know what they were getting into when they signed up, but not I. I knew exactly what I was signing up for; safety, community, and apparent high standards/expectations. In the beginning it was what I needed, structure, and rules and people to tell me how to live my life and what is right and what is wrong. My freshman and sophomore years it was great to have that. It taught me some discipline, but let's be honest, I have been "disciplining" myself to do what the people who influence me thought was right. In high school I didn't swear and I didn't drink and I thought they were both signs of not being "on the right path", which in high school can be the truth. As I've gotten older though I've come to see that things are not always black and white. What I needed five years ago, even six months ago, is not what I need now.
This summer living on my own really grew me and matured me. I didn't even realize it until I got back to school and what reunited with everyone who was gone for the summer. I have outgrown friendships, I feel like while I matured this summer others stayed in the same place, or even slid backward. So some of those friendships that I depended on last year, I don't need or even necessarily want anymore.
Being in the bubble was good. But it's not what I need now. I am ready to leave it and be independent and I am become frustrated with not being as free as I could be. Over the past week or so I have gone through some stuff that really made me feel restrained. This school has a lot of good things and there are a lot of things that it provides to people that are just what they need, but I don't need it anymore and I'm ready to move on.
*This was written over two days, sorry if it doesn't make complete sense.
A story Sam wrote me
Once upon a time there was a girl named Sadie, now this was no ordinary girl she was sent back in time to the 70's because she had a mission. Some said she was too much for this modern era, she had the fight and spirit in her that matched the brave men that overcame Napolean at Waterloo. Others said she just had too much spunk like a wild donkey....who was right we will never know all that was agreed upon was her righteous mission....she had to smother the gangs of the 70s who also went back in time to create the ultimate drug the purple pickle....this drug destroyed the time line. People in the 70s lost all flair for color weird outfits awesome music and most of all that bit of joy that 70s show brought us if you saw that 70s show with the people on the purple pickle instead of weed you would have compared it to a old folks home for dying animals....tragic...so with her fighting spirit and spunk and army of helpful donkeys sadie took charge and battled these evil gangs in the streets of paris....after a long and hefty fight her donkeys and all the enemy save one was gone....she climbed the eiffel tower and there did battle with him...after three hours of mortal combat she realized her ways could not overcome the boringness of the purple pickle so she did what any 70s person would....she lit the weed....the weed smoke drifted up the nostrils of the head gang man and it made a chemical reaction that gave me the feeling of life color and 70s spirit we know today....sadie saved the 70s thus saving the live free love and peace spirit we all love to laugh at today
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My most life changing experiences
My most life changing experiences:
Becoming a follower of Jesus; he gives me messages of hope and love and joy. Without Him I would just be a dry soul who is longing for something more. Because if Him I am alive and well.
Camp; it's so completely stretching. You have to work with people that you struggle to get along with, but you also the privilege of becoming close friends with many. It tries your patience and tests both your physical and emotional endurance. The campground becomes a place that you can call home for the rest of your life. You have long days and short weeks and summer is gone in the blink of an eye. You meet all kinds of people that teach you all kinds of things no matter if they are age 9 or age 60. Working at a camp is one of the hardest most rewarding things a person could do.
College; there are so many different kinds of people, but they're all the same. One of the hardest things that I have had to learn, was that in order to actually learn, and retain information to have to want it. If you don't want it then all efforts are futile. There are so many things that are out there that you don't yet know about, in this case ignorance is not bliss (was it really ever).
Getting my heart broken; the pain of it all almost makes me smile now, not because it was fun, and not because I exaggerated it, or because I'm positive that I won't ever have to go through it again, but because I made it through. I made it through a pain that I couldn't ever see ending. No one but Jesus and I carried me through that and I get to smile and be proud of that accomplishment.
Getting 14" cut off of my hair; it may sound vapid and shallow, but it was like a breath of fresh air. I felt weighed down by an expectation that I placed on myself to be somebody that I wasn't just because I had long hair and I sort of lost myself. It sounds ridiculous, but to me it isn't. "A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life" -Coco Chanel
Nannying; both in high school and this summer. In high school I nannied for three years for kids I adore. They were my inspiration for becoming a teacher. This summer nannying and babysitting gave me a lot of insight as to what some of the families of my future students will be dealing with.
I like to be open with things I've learned, because it is my hope you can read what I have written and take something useful away from it, get out there and experience life, there's no better way to learn.
Shenanikids
So this summer has been crazy. I have been nannying/ babysitting for six different families with a total of thirteen different kids. It has been enlightening, if anything, although stressful as well. Since there are so many different families I get to see a lot of different parenting styles (or lack there of).
The greatest thing about nannying is getting to be a part of so many kids lives and being a positive influence on them.
The hardest part is disciplining them, a few of the families have very poor discipline standards set in their houses. In one of them whenever I do try to discipline I am constantly undermined by the mother so there is no consequence for inappropriate actions. Parents often forget that consistency is SUPER important.
The most frustrating thing is the kids not listening to me, or having to repeat myself which goes hand in hand with the discipline thing.
My favorite moment was arriving at the house that I was to babysit at that day and having the little girl squeal with delight as I walked in the door. One week at least one kid from each family cried when I had to leave, I call that a job well done.
Some weeks I feel so worn out, like I'm so ready to be done. Working fifty hours in a week will do that to you! Bit then I get to rest up and see some of my favorite kids (yes, parents aren't allowed to have favorites, but I feel like that rule shouldn't apply to me) and I am ready to go on to the next week.
Being a little more than half way done seems crazy to me! Although there are definitely tough moments there are also fantastic ones and I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of so many lives and vice versus!
The greatest thing about nannying is getting to be a part of so many kids lives and being a positive influence on them.
The hardest part is disciplining them, a few of the families have very poor discipline standards set in their houses. In one of them whenever I do try to discipline I am constantly undermined by the mother so there is no consequence for inappropriate actions. Parents often forget that consistency is SUPER important.
The most frustrating thing is the kids not listening to me, or having to repeat myself which goes hand in hand with the discipline thing.
My favorite moment was arriving at the house that I was to babysit at that day and having the little girl squeal with delight as I walked in the door. One week at least one kid from each family cried when I had to leave, I call that a job well done.
Some weeks I feel so worn out, like I'm so ready to be done. Working fifty hours in a week will do that to you! Bit then I get to rest up and see some of my favorite kids (yes, parents aren't allowed to have favorites, but I feel like that rule shouldn't apply to me) and I am ready to go on to the next week.
Being a little more than half way done seems crazy to me! Although there are definitely tough moments there are also fantastic ones and I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of so many lives and vice versus!
Earlier in the year when I began to think about what I wanted to do this summer, I wasn't exactly sure what I should do. I prayed a lot about it and still it seemed unclear to me what God wanted me to do. Then, things started to fall in place so that I could stay in Spring Arbor over the summer. I ended up getting a part time nannying job, along with four or so other random fill in jobs.
I didn't even think about the possibility of learning a lot through working this summer which is a naive thought. I have only been working for two weeks, but I have been learning so much, about kids, and teaching, parenting, and just life in general. Some of the struggles that the family is going through is showing me a lot. I can only hope to learn so much more than I already have this summer.
I didn't even think about the possibility of learning a lot through working this summer which is a naive thought. I have only been working for two weeks, but I have been learning so much, about kids, and teaching, parenting, and just life in general. Some of the struggles that the family is going through is showing me a lot. I can only hope to learn so much more than I already have this summer.
The box of hidden treasures
I was talking to a friend earlier this week and they were speaking about someone who was saying they were a Christian but they had never read the Bible. She brought up an interesting idea; how can we truly be Christians if we haven't read the Bible or try to follow it especially the New Testament. Now, I can say that I have read a good chunk of the Bible, but I certainly have not read it all the way through, or even the New Testament all the way through . So I was thinking that I am going to try to do that, this summer, or at least try to pave quite a bit of the way through it. I am excited to start. Reading the Bible is such a learning experience, I have never come away from reading it and not taken away something valuable.
The beginning of the sunrise
So I have been running.
That's right, you read it right, I said running.
I have ran four days in a row, and I am so proud of myself. Seriously!
Four days may not seem like much to anyone, but it's huge to me.
I hope I can keep it up.
In other news, I have a house! Weird to call it "my house", but it is. Right now it is pretty dirty. Over the course of the past year there have been at least seven different guys that have been in and out of the house, causing it to be one of the dirtiest houses I have ever stepped foot in. But I am not worried, because in a week the last of the guys will be gone and my roommate and I will be able to clean up the house and make it look awesome.
I am staying in Spring Arbor this summer nannying various children. So far the kids have been great, and it has proven to be a pretty great job. Also, there are quite a few people that are living here this summer that I will be able to chill with. This week has been one of the longest weeks of my life! In a good way of course. I have been super busy and doing stuff constantly which has been good, there has been no time to be bored.
Hopefully it will stay like this.
That's right, you read it right, I said running.
I have ran four days in a row, and I am so proud of myself. Seriously!
Four days may not seem like much to anyone, but it's huge to me.
I hope I can keep it up.
In other news, I have a house! Weird to call it "my house", but it is. Right now it is pretty dirty. Over the course of the past year there have been at least seven different guys that have been in and out of the house, causing it to be one of the dirtiest houses I have ever stepped foot in. But I am not worried, because in a week the last of the guys will be gone and my roommate and I will be able to clean up the house and make it look awesome.
I am staying in Spring Arbor this summer nannying various children. So far the kids have been great, and it has proven to be a pretty great job. Also, there are quite a few people that are living here this summer that I will be able to chill with. This week has been one of the longest weeks of my life! In a good way of course. I have been super busy and doing stuff constantly which has been good, there has been no time to be bored.
Hopefully it will stay like this.
My latest insecurities
I often wonder about how I am ranked in a persons mind; ranked in friendship.
There are people to me that are my friends, but not close friends, in their minds we are best friends.
So how do I rank to those closest to me? It's actually a scary thing to think about...
Why should it matter though? It shouldn't, but it does. Jealousy, the fear of being replaced, I guess.
There are people to me that are my friends, but not close friends, in their minds we are best friends.
So how do I rank to those closest to me? It's actually a scary thing to think about...
Why should it matter though? It shouldn't, but it does. Jealousy, the fear of being replaced, I guess.
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