I cannot wait
to see my friends from college. everyone here is so immature. actually I just want to be back at school in general, it's so much more peaceful there.
you know those moments that are always shown in movies,
that every teenager is supposed to have?
I feel like I have a ton of great memories like that.
I feel very reminiscent right now so I will tell one of them, maybe I should right a book full of the short stories of my high school years haha.
Last summer my dad ran for state representative and almost every weekend my friends and I would walk in parades with my dad and hand out "reading material" as they called it. So one very hot day in the middle of July we were all on the way to a parade, all of my friends were riding in the car with me driving. We were listening to my ipod with all of the windows rolled down and an upbeat song came on. We proceeded to make up motions to the chorus and we each had our own air instruments that we were playing. Now here is the memory I have; picture seven teenagers in car, all the windows rolled down, belting out a song at the top of their lungs, while each playing their perspective air instruments. I miss moments like this.
more to follow?
I feel like I have a ton of great memories like that.
I feel very reminiscent right now so I will tell one of them, maybe I should right a book full of the short stories of my high school years haha.
Last summer my dad ran for state representative and almost every weekend my friends and I would walk in parades with my dad and hand out "reading material" as they called it. So one very hot day in the middle of July we were all on the way to a parade, all of my friends were riding in the car with me driving. We were listening to my ipod with all of the windows rolled down and an upbeat song came on. We proceeded to make up motions to the chorus and we each had our own air instruments that we were playing. Now here is the memory I have; picture seven teenagers in car, all the windows rolled down, belting out a song at the top of their lungs, while each playing their perspective air instruments. I miss moments like this.
more to follow?
tonight,
I was having a short conversation with my friend about people's thoughts on gay/lesbian people. He was telling me about how his parents think it's a sin and that it's a choice, but he believes that isn't true. I have never judged any of my gay friends, but I never really knew where I stood on my beliefs about homosexuality. I wasn't sure whether it is a sin, or a choice or whatever there is to think about, but our conversation today made me realize something. He said that it isn't her right to judge him, and if it's anyone's it's God's. That is when I realized that I don't need to decide how I feel about it, because it isn't my place to. I have never told anyone it is wrong to be gay and it isn't my place to, honestly, I have never really viewed my gay friends differently. My friends are my friends, and I don't really care who they date haha. That's about it for tonight..
Hello Hello Hello,
Meet me halfway? Right on the borderline is where I'm going to wait for you.
Alrighty, I'm tired of working already, I've been working about four days a week at night, also, I have been babysitting three times a week, but money is money I guess.
I talked to Jon for a while on Monday and I guess we are going to try to start talking again, we'll see it goes.
So, I am a person who literally cannot hold a grudge for very long, and most people say that it is a huge strength of mine, but sometimes I'm not so sure, I think it may also be a weakness. I feel like the fact that I let everyone off easily makes them think that they can do something terrible to me and get away with it. I hate that. I don't want people to not care whether they hurt me or not just because I won't be mad for very long and some people who I let off the hook easily don't deserve it, they don't deserve to be in my life yet I let them right back in. I don't know this is just one thing I have been thinking about lately.
Another thing I have been thinking about a lotish this week; the line between honesty, kindness, and being pushed around. This is super hard for me to define. Because so many people in my life have been dishonest I think I have taken it upon myself to be the most honest person everyone knows, which becomes hard at times, not because I want to lie, but because I think I am too honest. When I am too honest it is hard for me to see the line between being honest and unkind. Then with kindness, I feel like a lot of people are fake with the way they are nice to other and it is hard for me to be like that because I don't want to be fake. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm just trying really hard to just be as honest as I need to be and be super nice to everyone.
These are the complexes of my life as of now haha I hope you enjoyed, if you have any advice let me know.
Alrighty, I'm tired of working already, I've been working about four days a week at night, also, I have been babysitting three times a week, but money is money I guess.
I talked to Jon for a while on Monday and I guess we are going to try to start talking again, we'll see it goes.
So, I am a person who literally cannot hold a grudge for very long, and most people say that it is a huge strength of mine, but sometimes I'm not so sure, I think it may also be a weakness. I feel like the fact that I let everyone off easily makes them think that they can do something terrible to me and get away with it. I hate that. I don't want people to not care whether they hurt me or not just because I won't be mad for very long and some people who I let off the hook easily don't deserve it, they don't deserve to be in my life yet I let them right back in. I don't know this is just one thing I have been thinking about lately.
Another thing I have been thinking about a lotish this week; the line between honesty, kindness, and being pushed around. This is super hard for me to define. Because so many people in my life have been dishonest I think I have taken it upon myself to be the most honest person everyone knows, which becomes hard at times, not because I want to lie, but because I think I am too honest. When I am too honest it is hard for me to see the line between being honest and unkind. Then with kindness, I feel like a lot of people are fake with the way they are nice to other and it is hard for me to be like that because I don't want to be fake. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm just trying really hard to just be as honest as I need to be and be super nice to everyone.
These are the complexes of my life as of now haha I hope you enjoyed, if you have any advice let me know.
The good times are killing me.
Anyway. Today Hannah and I went shopping. I saw a shirt that said, "Pretty in pink, but better in black" I wanted to get it but it was grey haha wtf. So we decided to make our own shirts :D they are going to be sweet.
Besides that I didn't really do anything else and my life has been very boring lately.
Besides that I didn't really do anything else and my life has been very boring lately.
I have been sort of "published" if you would
The Memory
please please please check it out (: and leave a rating.
please please please check it out (: and leave a rating.
Dear you,
when things get hard you give up. It seems so terribly tragic to me because the hardest things in life usually end up becoming the sweetest. This is your biggest downfall, the one thing that I don't know if you can or ever will change about yourself. If you continue to live this way you will never be truly happy, and for that I am very sorry. You will end up leaving the most important people in your life by giving up on the tough things like you did me. I believe the biggest affliction is that you do not even know this problem exist and that is why it will continue. Stop giving up. Stop running away from the hard things. Like I have told you before, as my dad once told me, "Sometimes the hardest things in life are the best things". Try not to forget it, my dear.
Love, Me
Love, Me
so sick of
being the first to ask anyone to hang out. or the first to text anyone. Honestly does no one want to hang out with me? why do I ALWAYS have to ask first.
I'm in a terrible mood. Screw everyone.
I'm in a terrible mood. Screw everyone.
precisely my life,
When Lightening Strikes
By Jamie Rose Goldstein
My lighting struck down and left a mark,
One little hole easily patched up and ignored
Quickly forgotten and looked past
Because in that place within your chest where it struck, life quickly recovered
Nothing had to lie dead or bare for very long
New soil was packed into the tiny crevasse that was made
And reconstructed you to almost whole again
Nobody would ever know that my lightening left a minuscule scar
Buried just below the surface of your new lush foliage
Your lightening struck down on my Earth and left chaos
In newly dehydrated plains, so thirsty for the liquid of your soul
Having been steadily deprived of the nectar it needed for nourishment
In a vast field now vacant, standing with only begging to be revived brush
Your lightening struck
And how swiftly the dried up clutter caught on fire
So while your small hole is nice and mended
And kindly tended by this person you’ve befriended,
I was stricken while pushed to the side and left undefended
The wildfire has so rapidly spread through me
Every rolling hill between my head heart soul and body engulfed by the flames
The kind of inferno that is not effortlessly contained
With a couple of water-buckets full of half-hearted
“I’m sorries” and “I’m not trying to hurt yous”
Don’t you see what lightening can do?
I am on fire
And its wrath rages throughout me, igniting my veins
With every new advancement it continues to leave my insides burnt
Seared with the blackness of an unrelenting sorrow
In a place where I swear an abundance of flowers once grew
And from the charred pieces of my heart,
That creak, and crack, and cry in mourning its sudden loss of you,
The deep valley of my soul already knows,
The next phase… disintegration into ashes
The weaken, the loosen, the fall apart
The snowy melancholy drift that covers everything in its grey lifeless soot
And I can only pray
That when the fervor of the furry of these flames have been fatigued
And every piece of me has been torched and crisped
And each tear has been refined to nothing but residue
I can only pray
That Love will find me with her compass
The one that always point towards home
And from nothing but run-down faith and still warm embers
From these ashes, Your ashes
I will be reborn into the me I’ve always known.
By Jamie Rose Goldstein
My lighting struck down and left a mark,
One little hole easily patched up and ignored
Quickly forgotten and looked past
Because in that place within your chest where it struck, life quickly recovered
Nothing had to lie dead or bare for very long
New soil was packed into the tiny crevasse that was made
And reconstructed you to almost whole again
Nobody would ever know that my lightening left a minuscule scar
Buried just below the surface of your new lush foliage
Your lightening struck down on my Earth and left chaos
In newly dehydrated plains, so thirsty for the liquid of your soul
Having been steadily deprived of the nectar it needed for nourishment
In a vast field now vacant, standing with only begging to be revived brush
Your lightening struck
And how swiftly the dried up clutter caught on fire
So while your small hole is nice and mended
And kindly tended by this person you’ve befriended,
I was stricken while pushed to the side and left undefended
The wildfire has so rapidly spread through me
Every rolling hill between my head heart soul and body engulfed by the flames
The kind of inferno that is not effortlessly contained
With a couple of water-buckets full of half-hearted
“I’m sorries” and “I’m not trying to hurt yous”
Don’t you see what lightening can do?
I am on fire
And its wrath rages throughout me, igniting my veins
With every new advancement it continues to leave my insides burnt
Seared with the blackness of an unrelenting sorrow
In a place where I swear an abundance of flowers once grew
And from the charred pieces of my heart,
That creak, and crack, and cry in mourning its sudden loss of you,
The deep valley of my soul already knows,
The next phase… disintegration into ashes
The weaken, the loosen, the fall apart
The snowy melancholy drift that covers everything in its grey lifeless soot
And I can only pray
That when the fervor of the furry of these flames have been fatigued
And every piece of me has been torched and crisped
And each tear has been refined to nothing but residue
I can only pray
That Love will find me with her compass
The one that always point towards home
And from nothing but run-down faith and still warm embers
From these ashes, Your ashes
I will be reborn into the me I’ve always known.
What not to do when you go to a restaruant (or at least one I'm working at)
1. If there are two of you DON'T SIT AT A TABLE THAT SEATS SIX PEOPLE.
2. If you see that the table you want to sit at has not been cleaned off yet, DON'T SIT DOWN AT IT, sit at a different table, or ask someone POLITELY to clear it off.
3. If you need something "immediately" don't ask for your waitress to come out, just tell the person you are talking to to get you what you need.
4. If you are waiting for a takeout order, don't sit at a table that seats SIX PEOPLE.
5. You getting a bag for your f-ing eggroll is not as important as you think it is.
6. Don't ask for straws when I am in the process of handing them to you.
I will add more when I think of them.
2. If you see that the table you want to sit at has not been cleaned off yet, DON'T SIT DOWN AT IT, sit at a different table, or ask someone POLITELY to clear it off.
3. If you need something "immediately" don't ask for your waitress to come out, just tell the person you are talking to to get you what you need.
4. If you are waiting for a takeout order, don't sit at a table that seats SIX PEOPLE.
5. You getting a bag for your f-ing eggroll is not as important as you think it is.
6. Don't ask for straws when I am in the process of handing them to you.
I will add more when I think of them.
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